{"id":57728,"date":"2026-02-23T09:00:27","date_gmt":"2026-02-23T16:00:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/publicsquaremag.org\/?p=57728"},"modified":"2026-02-24T22:55:15","modified_gmt":"2026-02-25T05:55:15","slug":"the-power-positive-humor-strong-african-american-families","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/publicsquaremag.org\/sexuality-family\/family-matters\/the-power-positive-humor-strong-african-american-families\/","title":{"rendered":"The Power of Positive Humor in Strong African American Families"},"content":{"rendered":"

This article is part of a four\u2011part series that draws from insights in our forthcoming book, <\/span><\/i>Exemplary, Strong Black Marriages & Families<\/span> (<\/span><\/i>Routledge, in press)<\/span>.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

For decades, African American leaders and scholars have echoed Proverbs <\/span>17:22<\/span><\/a> that \u201ca merry heart doeth good like a medicine.\u201d Consider W.E.B. Du Bois, the first African American to earn a Ph.D. from Harvard and cofounder of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, who famously <\/span>said<\/span><\/a>, \u201cI am especially glad of the divine gift of laughter: it has made the world human and lovable, despite all its pain and wrong.\u201d Civil Rights hero Martin Luther King, Jr. is often quoted as having said, \u201cIt is cheerful to God when you rejoice or laugh from the bottom of your heart.\u201d Indeed, African Americans have long used humor to cope with the ills of slavery and the unfairness of discriminatory practices. Research suggests that humor can fortify racial identity and cultivate optimism, hope, and resilience among Black Americans. Yet, humor seems to contribute even more than this.<\/span><\/p>\n

We <\/span>interviewed<\/span><\/a> 46 Black married couples, nominated by their clergy as exemplary. Our <\/span>American Families of Faith<\/span><\/i><\/a> research team found that positive humor contributes to strong marriages and families in vital ways. In this article, we highlight three types of humor featured in exemplary Black families.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Humor in Coping with Racism<\/b><\/p>\n

Using humor to cope with <\/span>racism<\/span><\/a> (and other forms of stress) was common among the exemplary Black families we interviewed. Dean, a Catholic husband, said:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Blatant racism happens to this day. We talk about it with each other. We use humor as a way to deal with it, as a coping mechanism. You can either cry or laugh. <\/span>We <\/span><\/i>know who we are, what we are, and <\/span>Whose<\/span><\/i> we are \u2026 [God\u2019s].<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Gwen, a quick\u2011witted and candid wife, explained with a twinkle in her eye how she turned the hurt of racism over to God and trusted that justice would someday be fulfilled. Glimpses of her humorous attitude were apparent:<\/span><\/p>\n

[The] bottom line was we both knew that [changing the heart of a certain person at my work] was a job for God. \u2026 I just said to the Lord, \u201cYou just need to help me with this, because this person has a problem.\u201d \u2026 So, I think the Lord just \u2026 whooped them up a little bit and then kicked them out! (<\/span>Laughter<\/span><\/i>) So, it was just one of those things where, yes, you will encounter [racism], and I know I will, until Jesus comes and gets me out of here. But \u2026 I can\u2019t become bitter about it \u2026 because God is not going to put up with that. So, if they want to spend eternity in hell burning \u2026 because they won\u2019t accept me, because my color is a little different than theirs, then that\u2019s their problem. So, I have to just rest in the Lord on that one.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Joelle, a Christian wife, also discussed racism:<\/span><\/p>\n

To me, it\u2019s not personal, it\u2019s their ignorance. I have never doubted who I am or how important I am and how much I deserve to be on this earth. See, they\u2019re wrong for misunderstanding, and I really believe that God loves me the most. (<\/span>Laughter<\/span><\/i>)\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Humor was a coping device for racism and other pain points, but humor was also used as a positive lever for navigating and strengthening the marriage relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n

Humor in Marriage<\/b><\/p>\n

After being prompted for advice they would give to other African American couples, Amber and Duane both talked about the importance of humor. Amber listed four tips for a successful marriage: communicate, be equally yoked, forgive, and keep a sense of humor. Duane concurred, that a \u201cgood sense of humor [is important] \u2026 for it to be a good marriage.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Many participant couples shared humor-laced stories that highlighted how they used laughter to help their marriages flourish. Gwen said,<\/span><\/p>\n

[I]f there\u2019s something [a wife] needs to say to [her husband], \u2026 she should do so when things are calm. \u2026 Perhaps it\u2019s a screen door that\u2019s quite annoying because all he has to do is just repair it quickly with the screwdriver, something which she doesn\u2019t know [how to do], and she tells him the first time about it, and he doesn\u2019t do anything. Then, any other time she thinks about it, she needs to tell God, because God will whoop him up. (<\/span>Laughter<\/span><\/i>) \u2026 God can let him have it.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

An African Methodist wife from Massachusetts named Joann said:<\/span><\/p>\n

[L]et me just deal with God and wait for Him to change Gary over to my point of view, <\/span>which is the correct point of view<\/span><\/i>. \u2026[B]ut usually when I\u2019m waiting for God to change Gary, then [God] will be changing me! [God is] sneaky.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Annie and her husband Al shared how humor and having fun were crucial to their marriage.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Annie<\/span><\/em>:<\/em> You have to \u2026 make a decision to love and have fun. See, I was determined that this house was going to have some fun and that we were going to laugh and \u2026 be happy. Not only was I going to be happy, but <\/span>we <\/span><\/i>were going to be happy. Everyone was going to be happy. At the beginning, I had to [help] make Al be happy. \u2018Cause you weren\u2019t used to being happy. [Don\u2019t] you think, [Al]?<\/span><\/p>\n

Al<\/span><\/i>: [No]. That\u2019s why I married you. \u2026 I consciously made a decision [that] she\u2019s going to bring joy into my life. [I decided], I can\u2019t let her get away.<\/span><\/p>\n

Al and Annie shared the following moment elsewhere during their interview:<\/span><\/p>\n

Al<\/span><\/i>: This woman is strong, resolute, focused \u2026 .\u00a0 [S]piritually [and] physically, <\/span>she\u2019s been there<\/span><\/i>. She\u2019s been there. A great comfort. A great thing for a marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n

Annie<\/span><\/i>: Like old shoes. (<\/span>Laughter<\/span><\/i>)\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Al<\/span><\/i>: [No], like a mighty mountain. A towering edifice \u2014\u00a0 a little \u2026 more grandiose than an old shoe. [To the interviewer:\u00a0 [It ain\u2019t all been] fairy-tale perfect, but we got 30 years in, \u2026 [and we\u2019re] still smiling about it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Annie<\/span><\/i>: [We are] still laughing, [and I am] still laughing at him. He cracks [me] up!<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Several couples also shared warm sentiments while teasing each other. Joann, an African Methodist, described how their marriage has gotten better as time has gone on: \u201cThings change; we are not the same people that we were when we were married. \u2026 [Actually], I think he\u2019s gotten a lot better. [Thank heaven] (<\/span>Laughter<\/span><\/i>).\u201d\u00a0In like manner, Jefferson, a Christian husband from Louisiana shared, \u201cWe are each other\u2019s friends. And, believe me, she advise[s] me every day, whether I want it or not. (<\/span>Laughter<\/span><\/i>)\u201d Our participant couples repeatedly noted that they found joy in playfully teasing and sharing laughter with those they love. This reportedly held true in parenting as well as in marriage.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Humor in Parenting<\/b><\/p>\n

The use of humor among participants was not confined to the marriage relationship; many families also showed humor in their interactions with their children. Jefferson, a Christian father from Louisiana, shared the following story of his responsibilities as a father:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We had three girls [in a row and] after we decided to have another child, I told my wife, \u201cIf this child is a boy, you don\u2019t have anything to worry about. \u2026 I\u2019ll do the \u2026 midnight feeding and change and wash the diapers.\u201d Back then, we had cloth diapers. And sure enough, along came Shaun, and I had forgotten that I had made this promise. \u2026 But believe me, [Sierra] didn\u2019t! She said, \u201c\u2018<\/span>Your<\/span><\/i> baby is crying in there \u2026 . It’s time to feed [him] and change the diapers!\u201d\u2019\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jason, a Baptist father from Georgia, was asked if his children had influenced his religious involvement, he joked, \u201cSome of them keep us on our knees (l<\/em><\/span>aughter<\/span><\/i>)!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Joann and Gary, who were also interviewed with their teenage daughter, Jasmine, shared a humorous moment when Gary discussed how his religious views and parenting were entwined:<\/span><\/p>\n

Gary<\/span><\/i>: [There] will be times when we\u2019ll have a blow [up], and Jasmine will come up later and just say, \u2018I\u2019m sorry, Dad.\u2019 And, probably not as often as I should, I\u2019ll go down and tell her, \u2018Yeah, I blew it.\u2019 But \u2026 I always believe that God has created a wonderful child, and He may not yell at her, so He wants me to.<\/span><\/p>\n

Jasmine (daughter)<\/span><\/i>: Yeah, right!<\/span><\/p>\n

Joann (wife)<\/span><\/i>: I don\u2019t think that\u2019s in the Bible (L<\/em><\/span>aughter<\/span><\/i>).<\/span><\/p>\n

Jasmine<\/span><\/i>: No, that\u2019s the \u201cGary\u201d Revised Version.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Humor in Religion<\/b><\/p>\n

Many families conveyed that parenting, humor, and (often) religion worked together for a healthy family life. Jason said:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I believe Romans 8:28: \u201cAll things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to his purpose.\u201d \u2026 Then, I\u2019ve got to see that there is some good in this stress. So, I try to find the good in it, and [I ask], \u201cOkay God, what are you trying to tell me in this?\u201d More often than not, the simple message is, \u201cYou forgot, and you needed to be reminded.\u201d [And I say], \u201c\u2018Well, Lord, couldn\u2019t you have been a little more subtle?\u201d\u2019\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Joelle explained that she prayed about everything, even picking good oranges at the grocery store. She shared:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

My mother-in-law, before she passed, she used to laugh at me and say, \u201cYou know why God answers your prayers [so fast]? Just so he can have a moment of silence. Because you pray about everything!\u201d (<\/span>Laughter<\/span><\/i>)\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

James, whose beloved wife Betsy was struck by a drunk driver and was in a coma for several weeks, was able to express humor in the face of life\u2019s pain. After the accident, Betsy \u201cflatlined\u201d and was resuscitated 13 times. Following this ordeal, which ended in Betsy\u2019s miraculous improvement that eventually allowed her to return home in James\u2019 care, he said, \u201cAt least I know my wife ain\u2019t no cat, because a cat only has nine lives.\u201d For nearly 19 years since the accident, James has provided full-service care for Betsy, who lost both of her legs in the accident. For James, humor and an indomitable will and <\/span>faith<\/span><\/a> have lifted heavy loads that self-pity could not budge.<\/span><\/p>\n

We conclude with a report that seems to capture the ebullience, the faith, the passion, and the shared joy of life amongst our interviewees. Destiny, a Christian wife from Oregon, served up this gem eliciting explosive laughter and delight from her husband:<\/span><\/p>\n

He is my lover and he\u2019s an awesome lover. [<\/span>Laughter<\/span><\/i>] \u2026 And our children, we always said to them \u2026 \u201cIf you want to know what\u2019s going on [in our bedroom], Mama and Daddy are just keeping Jesus happy.”<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Bonding Humor as Healing Medicine<\/b><\/p>\n

To date, our <\/span>American Families of Faith<\/span><\/i> research team has identified and published studies on numerous <\/span>strengths in the exemplary Black families<\/span><\/a> we have interviewed including faith, prayer, unity, egalitarianism, and serving others.<\/span> The present study adds positive humor or \u201cbonding humor\u201d to the list. Some forms of humor (e.g., profane humor, ill-intentioned sarcasm) are explicitly incongruent with many religious beliefs and principles, but the exemplary couples who taught us present evidence that religion and positive humor can both play important and vital roles in building <\/span>strong marriages<\/span><\/a> and families. Hearkening back to Proverbs, these strong Black families echoed the value of that healing medicine to address life’s challenges in their words and lived experiences. Their examples offer much to contemplate.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

From racism to marriage stress, exemplary Black families use bonding humor as medicine\u2014building joy, unity, and endurance.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":400,"featured_media":57734,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[481],"tags":[1013,115,242,187,968,373,111,20,1165,397,116,182,352,519,520,974,110,1294,59],"coauthors":[2114,231,2088],"class_list":["post-57728","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family-matters","tag-baptist","tag-faith","tag-family","tag-friendship","tag-healing","tag-hope","tag-love","tag-marriage","tag-martin-luther-king-jr","tag-parenting","tag-prayer","tag-psychology","tag-race","tag-racism","tag-relationships","tag-scriptures","tag-social-science","tag-the-black-church","tag-unity"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nHow Humor in Marriage Strengthens Black Families - 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