{"id":57305,"date":"2026-02-16T08:14:02","date_gmt":"2026-02-16T15:14:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/publicsquaremag.org\/?p=57305"},"modified":"2026-02-27T13:15:22","modified_gmt":"2026-02-27T20:15:22","slug":"leaning-on-the-lord-lessons-from-exemplary-black-families","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/publicsquaremag.org\/dialogue\/racial-healing\/leaning-on-the-lord-lessons-from-exemplary-black-families\/","title":{"rendered":"Leaning on the Lord: Lessons from Exemplary Black Families on Faithfully Coping with Racism"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/picture> Download Print-Friendly Version<\/a><\/p>\n

This article is part of a four\u2011part series that draws from insights in our forthcoming book,\u00a0<\/em>Exemplary, Strong Black Marriages & Families\u00a0(Routledge, in press).<\/em><\/p>\n

Research on family stress indicates that many African American families face racism and systemic stressors. These families susceptible to the cumulative burdens of stress spillover\u2014defined as profound stress in one area of life \u201cspilling over\u201d and leading to poor outcomes in other domains.<\/span><\/p>\n

In this article, we take an in-depth look at 46 strong, exemplary religious African American families to determine what actions and attitudes helped these families be optimistic about life and cope with racism and other hardships. These married couples<\/a> and families were referred by their respective clergy as among the strongest and most faithful families in their congregations. This approach is consistent with \u201cexemplar research,\u201d where researchers study participants who embody the characteristic under study in an exceptional manner.<\/span><\/p>\n

It has taken our <\/span>American Families of Faith<\/span><\/i><\/a> research team more than two decades of dedicated interviewing, transcribing, and coding to gather the strong choir of 97 rich voices behind this study of Black families. Our efforts have taken us to living rooms from Wisconsin to Louisiana, from California to Delaware, and from Oregon to Georgia. We have written elsewhere regarding the exemplary Black families of faith that we have <\/span>interviewed<\/span><\/a>:<\/span><\/p>\n

\n
For these families, the United States is not a \u201cpost-race\u201d nation. Poverty, often deep\u00a0poverty, as well as unemployment, inadequate educational opportunities, discrimination,\u00a0incarceration, and many other social ills are far too familiar to them and their loved ones.\u00a0Further, these marriage-based families are often the first to receive \u201cknocks of\u00a0need\u201d\u2014requests for money, help, and even temporary housing\u2014from the less fortunate\u00a0who surround them. Their lived religion is not a sanitized, upper middle-class spirituality,\u00a0it is a desperate, deep, and pleading faith of survival that\u2014even [in 2026]\u2014still contains\u00a0echoes of the mournful notes of the shame of American slavery. Theirs is not merely a faith that enriches or adds meaning to life. Their faith is often life itself. While few can claim to envy the plight of one of the most discriminated groups in U.S. history, we do envy the profound depth of their living faith in a God that reportedly hears and sustains them through profound challenges\u2014challenges that \u2026 are ever present for most of these families.<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n

These exemplary Black families have taught us much. For the balance of this article, we will share their voices and their words regarding their central sources of strength in dealing with life\u2019s challenges, including their experiences with racism<\/a> and discrimination. Gwen, a Baptist wife, said:<\/span><\/p>\n

[Racism is] just one of those things where, yes, you will encounter it, and I know I will until Jesus comes and gets me out of here. But until then, it’s like, I have to realize that they\u2019re the ones with the problem. I can’t become bitter about it or anything because God is not going to put up with that. \u2026 So, I have to just rest in the Lord on that one. \u2026 It’s tough, it hurts, but\u2026 I know it\u2019s gonna hurt more for them than for me [at judgment day].\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Many participants exemplified resilience in their responses to racism. Joelle, a Baptist wife, explained:<\/span><\/p>\n

[I experience racism] every day, pretty much. \u2026 I used to be a manager at a [J.C. Penney]. They had a big controversy going, so they called for the manager and [when] I got there the white people were so mad. They didn\u2019t know what to do. \u2019Cause here was [a] Black woman [who] is going to make a final decision. \u2026 To me, it\u2019s not personal, it\u2019s their ignorance. I have never doubted who I am or how important I am and how much I deserve to be on this earth. \u2026 So, to me, I\u2019m perfected in Him because [God] thought of my color. \u2026 He [chose] it.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Orlando, a nondenominational Christian husband, said:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Being a Black man, I can always recognize racism in full panoramic view. \u2026 If I were to allow the world to tell me how I was supposed to act, then I would have came home [and] I would have kicked the dog, I would have argued with my wife, I would have pulled out my belt, and I would have came home and beat my kids, and I\u2019d have hit holes in the wall\u2014but I wasn\u2019t going to let society dictate how I was going to respond to situations. Because \u2026 society tries to write a script \u2026 [about what] certain racist behavior is supposed to trigger. And that\u2019s where <\/span>I hold on to God<\/span><\/i>\u2014because I know God gives me peace. And through God’s peace and through God’s love, I am able to just pray for that person who tries to make me unhappy, because they\u2019re more unhappy than I am \u2026 if they feel they need to mistreat me to make themselves feel good. \u2026 [I am] trying to tell my children, \u2018People are going to put things in your way. It’s not what they do to you, it’s how you respond to it.\u2019 So, I try to set the example\u2014not to respond to it [and not to get] to where I feel like I\u2019m powerless. \u2026 No. You can\u2019t go there. I can\u2019t go there.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Dean, a Catholic husband, spoke of empowering the next generation. A central part of his message to combat racism was to focus on self-worth. He said:<\/span><\/p>\n

All the kids I come across, I be talking to them: \u2018Don’t you ever take no back seat to nobody. God created one yellow flower better than the red one? [No!]. He created them all equal. \u2026 Try to have some vision in yourself.\u2019 \u2026 I can say that I encounter [racism] daily in some form or some fashion. [It] has to do with arrogance: somebody thinks they are one up on somebody, [but] they really aren’t up on nobody. \u2026 It doesn’t affect us negatively \u2019cause \u2026 when you understand who you are inside spiritually, then no external forces, no crap, is going to make you all the sudden [be] disenfranchised emotionally. So, in that way, [God] gives strength.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

As mentioned by Orlando, Dean, and others, a strong sense or \u201cvision\u201d of <\/span>belonging to God<\/span><\/i> was a partial buffer against racism. Similarly, feelings of belonging to one\u2019s family were frequently mentioned by participants.<\/span><\/p>\n

Catrina, a wife and dental assistant, said that after daily experiences with racism for her, her husband, and their children, they would unite and rally together<\/a>:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So, coming home, \u2026 we just come and talk about what may have happened, then realize that it is not our problem\u2014it\u2019s theirs\u2014and [we\u2019re] just gonna have to give it up and praise God anyway. And [we] just pray about it and encourage each other to do our best and \u2026 take those things to the Lord.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Chris, a Baptist husband from Louisiana, referenced his Black heritage as a source of strength to him and his family. Significantly, even when he was speaking about ancestors long past, he often used the pronouns \u201cwe\u201d and \u201cus.\u201d Chris said:<\/span><\/p>\n

I think it\u2019s more of a historical thing for us. Back in slavery when we were just against all odds, out there in the fields \u2026 being tortured, and we sang hymns. You heard the stories about how they overcame all the prejudice. \u2026 One thing that was always constant was their belief system, and I \u2026 I always fall back on that. \u2026 I think that sometimes, a lot of the young people today don\u2019t really understand the struggle that some of our foreparents went through, [but I do] I think [about] that history of just dealing with all the, the prejudices \u2026 we\u2019ve just endured. And through it all, we still seem to maintain. That\u2019s the one thing we have that\u2019s always been a strength for us.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Derek, a Baptist husband from North Carolina, wanted to impart a similar message to Black youth. He emphasized individuality and intentionality in the context of a strong heritage:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

To young Black couples, the young kids now, I would say go back and \u2026 look at your history. And see what the Black family was.\u00a0And then turn around.\u00a0Because you ain’t what somebody [else says] you are. You can be whatever you wanna be.\u00a0And history plays a part of it. You pick out the good and throw away the bad. And don’t forget where you come from. Don’t forget who you are.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Brianna and Ted, a Christian couple from Louisiana, described how they buoyed each other up by reaffirming their belonging with each other and with God. Ted said:<\/span><\/p>\n

As I tell [my wife] all the time, \u2018You know who you are, and that\u2019s what you have to stand on. Know who you are in God and don\u2019t worry about what nobody else says.\u2019 And a lot of times with me, she\u2019ll tell [me], \u2018I don\u2019t worry about people. I know who I am in Christ, and that\u2019s what most matters to me.\u2019 I know who I am.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Gary, a Methodist husband from Massachusetts, talked about how feeling accepted by God influenced him positively when he felt keenly aware of his weaknesses. Gary said:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

God puts up with me, and I\u2019m a big pain in the butt. I\u2019m imperfect and all other things, and so it really helps me. \u2026 It\u2019s His open acceptance of me, the good, the bad, the ugly, everything that I\u2019ve done [that blesses me]. He knows and He still loves me? W[e] are all sinners [but still] Christ died for us. \u2026 That [has] a direct influence [on me].\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

What We Learn About Coping with Racism<\/b><\/p>\n

Collectively, the voices of these families reveal that racism is not an abstract construct or imaginary fixation; it is an experience that\u2014sometimes daily\u2014places undue stress and strain on Black families navigating a society that often sees color over character. However, these families also note that stress spillover from racism can be met and responded to with a divine sense of self-worth, deep self-respect, support of family, and profound faith in a God who knows and helps. <\/span><\/p>\n

For these exemplary Black families, their reliance on a loving Creator is not simply embedded in hope for the afterlife, but rather in a resilience that helps them to interpret hardship, regulate difficult emotions, and to continually choose love over hatred. These families embody the wisdom captured by the late <\/span>Annie Mae Denton<\/span><\/a> who grew up in Jim Crow-era Mississippi but served as a vibrant model of loving all around her\u2014in spite of the racism she faced throughout her life. Her creed? \u201cNever let someone else\u2019s bad moment get between you and the Lord.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Experiencing social stressors can test marriages and families. What sources of strength guide Black families in coping with racism without bitterness?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":400,"featured_media":57318,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[500],"tags":[],"coauthors":[2114,231,2088],"class_list":["post-57305","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-racial-healing"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nCoping With Racism: Faith and Family Resilience - Public Square Magazine<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Voices of strong Black families show coping with racism through prayer, heritage, family unity, and steady choice of peace over bitterness daily.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/publicsquaremag.org\/dialogue\/racial-healing\/leaning-on-the-lord-lessons-from-exemplary-black-families\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Coping With Racism: Faith and Family Resilience - 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